


I'll Kiss You (The Nice Aurors Don't Remix)

by LizBee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: remix_redux, F/M, Remix, love potion, remix 2005
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-29
Updated: 2005-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:05:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizBee/pseuds/LizBee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tonks and Bill find themselves in the hands of an evil matchmaker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Kiss You (The Nice Aurors Don't Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I'll Kiss You](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/4585) by Violet. 



> Written for Remix Redux 2005.

The elevator doors closed.

"You know," Bill said carefully, "when I asked the Department of Aurors for a consultant, this wasn't precisely what I had in mind." He jabbed the button marked _Bank Floor_ and the lift shuddered into motion.

Tonks gave him a sidelong glance, but his freckled face was devoid of malice. "Well," she said, "we're a bit short staffed just at the moment, and old Mad Eye's a big believer in on-the-job training…" Bill didn't seem convinced, so she drew herself up to her full height – adding a couple of extra inches in the process, because there was no point in being delicate and petite if you had to stand next to a Weasley – and said, "look. I'm halfway through my training, and I'm being taught by Mad Eye Moody himself. And the way things are in the department at the moment, if you want an Auror to moonlight as a curse breaker, then you're either going to have to wait for them to un-Transfigure Scrimgeour, or accept me."

Bill looked at her, and there was a flicker of respect in his eyes. Just a flicker, but it was definitely an improvement. He'd been unable to conceal his dismay when she walked into his office. Great, she had almost heard him thinking, _I ask for an Auror and they send me Charlie's clumsy ex._

 _He glanced away as their eyes met, and Tonks thought she could see his neck flush._

 _Of course, one of the many advantages to being a Metamorphmagus was that she could control her blushing. As Mad Eye said, it didn't do for an Auror to give too much away. Rule #12: Never Let Them See What You're Thinking._

 _The lift wheezed to a halt, although the car trembled even after it had stopped rising. Old levitation charms, Tonk diagnosed, and said so. Bill laughed._

 _"Maintenance likes to stretch things thin," he said._

 _He let her precede him out of the lift, and she didn't even trip over her own feet._

 _It was going to be a good day, Tonks decided._

 _***_

 _It was going to be a terrible day, Bill decided._

 _I need an Auror, he'd said. Old Mrs Slammerkin claimed she had a pile of cursed coins, and she insisted on having a Gringotts employee look at them. And not for the first time._

 _"Aurors?" she'd fluttered when he made the suggestion. "Oh no, dear. Couldn't have that, my Quentin would have a heart attack. Terrible people, terrible. Do you know," she lowered her voice, "they thought he was a Death Eater? Under Imperius, he was, but they didn't care. Dreadful things they did to him, dreadful. That Alice Longbottom, she got nothing less than she deserved. Nasty bit of baggage. I'll tell you…"_

 _Bill had agreed to take the job just to end her tirade. But he wasn't going to go in there alone, not with a possible Death Eater in the house. Imperius? He knew all about Imperius. _Lucius Malfoy_ had claimed to be under Imperius. Bill had never quite believed his father's stories, until the day he met Malfoy at the bank. His curse-sensitive mind had sensed the taint, and after that, there had been no doubt._

Imperius indeed.

So he'd requested an Auror, in plain clothes. And instead, he got Charlie's ex-girlfriend. He fancied that there was a trace of blue in her dark hair, and her short-sleeved business robes were far too bright for a Gringotts employee.

Still. He'd always known she was clever, and if she was a bit clumsy, well, she couldn't be totally incompetent, or she wouldn't be one of Mad Eye's protégées.

And anyway. How hard could it be?

Tonks didn't trip over as she exited the lift. That, Bill decided, was a good sign.

 

***

 

Mrs Slammerkin was ninety if she was a day, Tonks guessed; one of those malevolent old women who filled their days with cruel gossip and reminiscing over past insults. Her children probably left home as soon as they'd finished at Hogwarts, and her downtrodden husband would endlessly fantasise about poisoning her and running off with a younger witch.

In other words, Mrs Slammerkin was just like Tonks's late, unlamented maternal grandmother. Only with less money and more built-up resentment.

Easy, Tonks thought. She let Bill pass her as they entered the house, and took a moment to make herself a little bit shorter, a little bit more delicate. Fuller lips and larger eyes made her seem sweeter and less potentially dangerous. She caught a glimpse of her new face in a rusting mirror as she passed. Perfect. Only she could really tell the difference, but Mrs Slammerkin would be that much easier to charm.

Rule #7: Most People See What They Want To See – Make Sure They Want The Right Thing.

Provided that Tonks didn't destroy any knickknacks, anyway. She kept her hands and elbows tucked in as she made her way into the kitchen.

The kitchen was vast, dark and old fashioned. One wall was entirely taken up by bottles of some bright pink potion. An elderly man dozed fitfully in a chair by the fire. Tonks was fairly certain she'd spotted some rodent activity in the far corner, and she politely declined Mrs Slammerkin's offer of morning tea. Aside from Rule #17 (DON'T Consume Any Food Or Drink Consumed By A Stranger, Even If You're Dying of Starvation), she had never cared for rodents.

"I hope you're not watching your figure, dear. You're far too pretty for that nonsense."

Bill managed to turn his laugh into a cough. Tonks smiled sweetly and said, "That's very kind of you, Mrs Slammerkin. I just had a late breakfast."

"May we see your coins?" Bill asked.

"Of course, of course… Accio coins!"

A leather bag flew across the room and landed on the table with a heavy clink. Tonks could see the coins seething inside the bag. She thought of a Muggle documentary her father had once watched, about insects writhing beneath putrefying flesh, and shuddered.

"So," said Bill, "what makes you think they're cursed?"

If Tonks didn't know better, she would have thought he was making a joke on company time. She'd always thought Gringotts had rules about that sort of thing.

Mrs Slammerkin had obviously heard the same stories; her eyes narrowed, and she said, "I think it should be obvious, dear."

"Of course, of course," he muttered. "Looks like a Sentient Slicing Charm..." He glanced at Tonks. "What do you think?"

"Oh, definitely," she said. "They can sense us."

Their eyes met, and for a moment, they were thinking the same thing: These coins have been used. If the curse was recent, the coins would be still and silent, but these … they had tasted blood, and they wanted more.

A hysterical giggle rose in Tonks's throat, and she sternly swallowed it. Rule #57: No Giggling. Created by Mad Eye just for her.

"I think," Tonks said slowly, "we should hand these over to the Department of Aurors. The coins have obviously been used in a crime at some stage—"

By the fire, Mr Slammerkin coughed violently.

"No," Bill said quickly. "The goblins employed by Gringotts are the most powerful manipulators of gold in Britain. Why waste the department's time?"

"Of course," Tonks said. "How silly of me."

She giggled weakly. Just for effect.

"I don't think there's any need to bring the Aurors into it," Mrs Slammerkin said. "My Quentin would never forgive me if I brought Aurors sniffing around here."

Her husband coughed, but didn't wake up.

"I found those coins in my grandmother's old chest," Mrs Slammerkin said. "She was a nasty one. Not a decent bone in her body, my great-aunt used to say – it was Auntie Lucy who raised my mother, bless her…"

"Thank you for bringing them to our attention," said Bill, rising quickly. He scribbled a receipt for the coins. "Please bring this to Gringotts; the goblins will see that you're reimbursed."

"Thank you, my boy. Very good of you." Mrs Slammerkin wiped her hands on a greasy-looking teatowel and shook his hand. She was beginning to relax again, Tonks judged.

Reluctantly, she let Mrs Slammerkin take her arm as they began to make their way out. Her skin was oddly moist, and Tonks fancied that the touch was burning her skin.

Mr Slammerkin began to cough again.

"Is your husband all right?" Tonks asked.

"Oh my, yes. Just the smoke. Just the smoke."

She felt his eyes follow her as she left.

 

***

 

Tilda watched them Disapparate and then closed the door, driving the bolts in with a satisfying thud. She made her way back into the kitchen, wiping her hands clean on her apron. Nasty stuff, that. Stayed on the hands and under the fingernails for hours. And in the blood, of course, for those that weren't immune.

Slammerkin was watching her.

"That was foolish," he said.

"I had to think fast, dear."

"What good do you think it will possibly do?"

"Distract them, I hope. Until they forget about the Aurors, and about the coins, and everything else." Tilda poured herself a cup of tea and smiled. "I do so like to see a young couple in love," she said.

 

***

 

Diagon Alley was bustling with mid-morning shoppers when they arrived, and Gringotts was crowded with parents getting money for their children's Hogwarts supplies. Bill led the way to the lift, acutely aware of Tonks following behind him. She was taller again now, he noted as the lift doors closed, and traces of crimson were appearing in her hair. She caught his eye and looked away quickly.

"We should call Mad Eye," she said.

"Yeah. He's going to have a ball with this."

"Possible escaped Death Eater and all."

Tonks laughed. "What do you want to bet he'll make me do his paperwork?"

"I don't bet on certainties."

They arrived at the administrative level, where the human Gringotts staff kept their offices. The corridors seemed oddly crowded, and Bill had a peculiar urge to keep Tonks close by. Which was stupid, she was hardly going to go wandering off, but still…

He didn't relax until they'd reached his office and closed the door behind them. Tonks laid the bag of coins down his desk, and they stood in silence for a moment, listening to the whisper of cursed metal.

Tonks crossed her arms, looking faintly revolted. She looked better with the extra height, Bill decided, more comfortable. Which was funny, because she'd been downright dangerous a few years back. All elbows. Not that she was much better, really, but there was something different.

He was staring. He caught her eye, and she laughed.

He did like seeing her laugh.

"Look," he said, before his mind had a chance to stop him, "do you want to grab an early lunch and get back to this?"

He waited for her to point out that they had a job to do, an important and possibly dangerous job.

"That would be – nice," she said.

She was looking up at him, a curious smile on her lips.

I've gone mad, Bill thought. Any minute now, the men in white robes would show up and drag him away to a nice soft room in St Mungo's. Insane.

He leaned over – he barely even had to move – and kissed her on the lips.

Crazy, he thought.

But she kissed him back.

 

***

 

As far as Tonks knew, Mad Eye Moody had no specific rules about kissing co-workers on duty. Maybe it had never come up for him.

She might suggest it when she got back to the Department.

The thought made her laugh, and they broke the kiss for a moment.

"What?" he asked.

"Mad Eye."

"Not the person I wanted to visualise, thanks."

He kissed her again, or perhaps she kissed him first. It didn't matter, Tonks decided. She wrapped her arms around his lean hips and pulled him against her. He was warm and wonderfully alive, and she was suddenly happier than she'd been in ages.

But she couldn't think why that would be.

Drawing away from him was almost a physical wrench, but she eventually managed to say, "Not that I haven't fancied you for years, or anything, but doesn't this strike you as a bit – sudden."

Bill was still breathing heavily, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. "A bit convenient?"

"A lot convenient." She leaned forward and nuzzled his jawbone, moving upwards to kiss his earlobe. Bill shivered, laughed, and drew his wand. The paperwork on his desk rearranged itself neatly in a corner, followed by all manner of expensive and delicate magical instruments. And the coins.

"This is a bad idea," Tonks said. He picked her up and deposited her neatly on his desk, and she leaned forward to kiss him again.

 

***

 

"You know," said Bill, some time later, "this may be the best example of Gringotts/Ministry co-operation in decades."

"Mmm," said Tonks. "Does your mum know about that tattoo?"

"You're joking, right?"

"Oh, of course."

 

***

 

In the afterglow:

"We should probably tell someone about those coins," Bill muttered.

"Yeah," Tonks breathed.

"I mean, sooner or later, someone's going to wonder where you are. Don't you Aurors have some kind of arcane system for clocking in?"

"Yeah, but no one uses it. It's just for insurance."

"Oh."

"What I'm wondering is, isn't anyone going to wonder why we've been locked in your office all day?"

"Nah. Happens a lot. Tricky curses, and all. Us curse breakers need our privacy."

"Wow."

"Must admit, sometimes I wonder about old Jacob and Tess. Sometimes it takes them days."

"Days," Tonks murmured.

"To break a simple Excoriating Curse, I mean."

"Wow. And us Aurors only get cubicles."

"Well," Bill grinned, "that could be interesting. In its own way."

"That reminds me, we still have to see Mad Eye."

"I'm starting – just starting, mind you – to get jealous."

She laughed, and kissed him again.

Some minutes later, Tonks reluctantly pushed him away and sat up, wondering where her robes had gotten to. Her only decent business robes, too. She found them in a crumpled heap under Bill's chair.

It really was too much.

"Mad Eye. Now." Bill gave her a helpless look. "All right," she added. "You can get dressed first."

 

***

 

Moody looked over the rumpled, flustered pair in front of him, and almost managed to conceal his amusement.

"I've gotta say, Tonks," he said, "you're a classic. Most Aurors don't get hit by a love potion until, oh, their graduation party."

Tonks didn't blush, but her hair became just that little bit more red. Weasley did blush, just like a schoolboy. Cute, Moody thought sourly.

"Now," he said. "Tell me about Slammerkin. Regular of yours, Weasley?"

"Not a regular of mine, as such, but she had a – reputation amongst the other curse breakers. If you know what I mean. A lot of things came into her hands."

"And no one bothered to report this?"

Weasley shifted in his chair, and removed his hand from Tonks's arm. "The other curse breakers don't have much respect for the Department of Aurors," he said. "I mean, we do almost the same job, for more money, and – and—"

"They're the big heroes," Tonks muttered. "Going into caves and pulling out the treasure. We only maintain the structure of magical society. Nothing glamorous or anything."

"Well ... yeah," Weasley admitted. Moody noted the way he'd attempted to distance himself from his colleagues, but said nothing.

"Well," Mad Eye said, feeling a smile creep across his face, "we'd best pay a visit to Mrs Slammerkin. And her husband."

"Be careful," Tonks said.

"I promise, Tonks, love potions are the last thing I'll be worried about."

Tonks giggled, and not even his most withering glare made her stop.

 

***

 

Tilda was preparing afternoon tea when the Aurors appeared. In her surprise, she dropped the tea pot, which shattered on the floor.

Quentin coughed.

"Oh dear," Tilda sighed. "This isn't going to be pleasant at all." She reached for her wand.

"Enough of that," growled one of the newcomers. "Stupefy!"

The last thing Tilda heard as she lost consciousness was a wheeze, as Quentin eased himself out of his chair.

Oh dear, she thought again. Well, it serves them right for interfering, and it does him good to have a bit of fun now and then.

Then a comfortable darkness claimed her.

 

***

 

"So," said Bill.

"So."

He scratched his ear and looked around. The Department of Aurors was shabby and worn. The cubicles seemed strangely open compared with the private offices of Gringotts curse breakers. Far too open.

He shifted in his chair again. Tonks had moved to the other side of the desk, claiming Moody's seat in his absence. She was rifling through his papers, humming to herself. She only hit one note in three, but the sound was oddly soothing.

"So," he said again. "When this is over, and they find the counter-potion…"

Tonks looked up. Her eyes were blue. "Yes?"

"Do you want to … have dinner or something?"

"Dinner."

"Or something."

Tonks looked away. "I heard you were going back to Egypt in a couple of months."

"Yeah."

"Permanently?"

"I hope so." Bill pushed his hair out of his face. "Although Dad reckons they – the family, I mean – might be needing me here soon enough."

"Well." Tonks shuffled some papers. "I guess – dinner – would be interesting. At least." She leaned back, knocking an ink bottle off the desk in the process.

Bill grinned, and was rewarded with a cheeky smile in return.

"I feel so stupid," she said. "I reckon Mad Eye's going to come up with a whole lot of new Rules because of this."

"Like what? Don't let harmless old ladies take your arm?"

"Compulsory head-to-toe potion-proof robes, more like."

"That would be disappointing."

Tonks raised one purple eyebrow. "Are you leering on company time?"

"After today? That's the least of my worries."

Tonks giggled.

It was a good sound, Bill decided.

"So," he said, just to be sure, "dinner?"

"Dinner. Definitely. Unless I take the counter-potion and suddenly remember all kinds of horrible things about you."

"Is that likely to happen?"

"Who can say?"

Bill leaned forward, so that their faces were bare inches apart. "I was always told that nice Aurors don't play games."

There was a wicked little gleam in Tonks's eyes, like that look the twins always got just before one of their pranks exploded. "We don't know yet if I'm a nice Auror," she said.

"We could find out."

"Later," she promised.

It was turning out to be quite a good day, Bill decided.

end


End file.
